The Bravest Thing of All Is To Hope

"And in the dark we climb this slope
'cause the bravest thing is always hope."
Binary from The Light of Things Hoped For by Brave Saint Saturn

"Deepest oceans of despair
This vast and somber
Charcoal night of space
Have you given up yet?
What hope lingers in the crevasses and corners of your soul?
I know you
You haven't given up yet
You are brave in this darkness, Saint Saturn
Sometimes the bravest thing of all is to hope"
Atropos from The Light of Things Hoped For by Brave Saint Saturn

No profound thoughts to go with it. I'm just enjoying their music right now. I'm also enjoying having BonnieJean, Chera, Ethan, and Naomi all home and in the same room.

The headache and stupid feeling from yesterday is gone, praise God! I just have zip energy but I can handle that, kind of.

I'm rereading Jane Austen's Emma. I had forgotten how funny Mr. Woodhouse is. "Poor Isabella..."

I'm also finally reading Rodney Stark's Victory of Reason. It's been recommended to me for forever. I'm only in the first chapter but it's good so far. It's a deep enough book that you have to take it pretty slow.

I got some wrapping of Christmas gifts done today. I love wrapping paper and pretty bows, but I am so bad at it. In fact, right now I can see the lovely gold ribbon that matched BonnieJean's black gift bag so perfectly lying on the floor next to said classy black bag. *sigh*

I have an itch to go Christmas ornament shopping. I'm noticing some terrible holes on the tree right now. I want to get some pearlescent (sp?) gold balls and maybe some more red ones, too.

I've decided to quit the praise band. Sunday was the third or 4th time I've shown up for rehearsal and had no music stand, music, or microphone. So, I'm taking the hint. I'm trying to extricate myself quietly. I just have to come up with an innocent but honest answer for when everyone starts to ask me why I'm not playing anymore. BonnieJean and Dad both suggested finding another group to play with because it is something I have really enjoyed. Something to think and pray about.

Blonde Pills

Nothing makes me feel stupider than being sick or being in pain. I hope I have succeeded in not being grumpy. All I have is a headache but it has completely ruined what should have been a very pleasant day.

I really can' even comprehend how people with constant pain live semi-normal lives. Right now in my church Stephanie Marsh and Dena Olsen have pretty much constant headaches. Stephanie has already gone through brain surgery trying to fix her pains and it came back and they don't know why. The doctors aren't even sure what Dena has (perhaps Q Fever?) and have no way of treating it. And they live productive, pleasant lives. I would be a wreck.

Cello by Violins

Cello by Violins
Originally uploaded by Purple Palindrome

Experimenting.

I Miss You (and you and you)

and you and you...

When I'm world dictator I'm going to pass iron clad restrictions on nice people moving away from me, even if only temporary like Dad, longer temporary like the Teagues, and even restrictions for living far away from the beginning like Chera. Humph. So there all you nice people! Someday you'll understanding my reasoning. (I do pretty good channeling the spirit of Copenhagen, don't I?)

Trite

"A once effective phrase or idea that has been spoiled by long familiarity." according to Merriam Webster.

I've decided that I don't like this word. Just because something has been said before doesn't mean that it's not true any more. If a phrase or word expresses what you mean exactly who shouldn't you say it? I think the only words that are truly spoiled by familiarity are swear words. What people really mean when they say something in a conversation is trite is that I think the person insincere. People too often say something because they've heard other people say the same thing in a similar situation. They don't know what it really means or don't really mean what they're saying.

In writing, I try to avoid common phrases just because originality is one of the purposes of writing to me. It's also one of the most enjoyable things about reading. An original phrase is a delight. However, I don't discount a write for using something that is common effectively.

In art, particularly photography, there is absolutely no such thing as trite. People who use the word trite are just trying to push the framework of fashion into art. Fashion wants everything to be new and edgy so it rejects things that are good just because it's common. Therefore lots of good things such as photos of blue bonnets, paintings of landscapes, and bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace" are all discarded as 'trite'. Why? Just because lots of other people have taken pictures of lots of other blue bonnets doesn't make this photo a bad one. Just because lots of other people have painted lots of other landscapes doesn't make any one of them less beautiful. And just because it's traditional to play "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes doesn't make it sound bad. Tradition can be a good thing.

And certainly 'trite' has no place in talking about truth. If anything we need truths repeated over and over. "Peace on Earth! Goodwill to men!" "He is Risen" "Blessed be the Name of the Lord". As Kirk Youngblood said the other Sunday God won't care whether a church is innovative, creative, or on the cutting edge, but whether or not the sheep were fed the Word. Truth bears repeating and it never becomes trite.

I'm Back!

Hermione's power cord broke and I realized that I have forgotten how to share a computer. Instead of relearning I just stayed off the computer, almost entirely. After throwing up in front of the $80 power cord at Office Depot, I found one on E-bay for $14 and got it today. Sing with me--"I got it on E-Bay!"

I've been doing a lot of reading. I re-read "A Voice On the Wind" and "An Echo In the Darkness" and finally read "As Sure As the Dawn". I'm also reading "The Victory of Reason".

I did a deep cleaning of my desk--rearranged, filed, dusted, and threw a lot of stuff out. Now to maintain it.

Mama and Naomi had a joint, 68th birthday party Friday evening at the Pizza Hut. Lots of wonderful people came and we had a lot of fun. I'm glad we did a party. We don't often but we sure have fun when we do.

I have a lot more peace about my job hunt since the sermon mentioned in my last post. I haven't been very productive in my job hunt since but I don't think it's related. I think I've been under the weather, busy with other stuff (said birthday party and cleaning), and am now suffering doubly from menstrual cramps and a swollen throat. When it rains it pours. Despite that, I did do some networking tonight both for my job hunt and the county party--reception for a Ryan Leonard who is running for state attorney general.

I'm very excited about Christmas shopping. I sure hope everyone likes what they're getting! And I'm even more excited about Jen being here for our week-late celebration!

Lazy Sunday

It's been a cold and wet day so I've stayed inside, besides church, snuggled in warm, soft stuff reading Eclipse and appreciating art on Flickr.

Today's sermon was really good. Kirk Youngblood was down this weekend from Colorado to visit Brother Archie over Thanksgiving and preached just to give Scottie a break. I can't imagine having to prepare a strong, Scriptural message at least once a week. Kirk preached on the miracle feeding of 5,000. It's recorded in all 4 gospels but he spoke out of Luke http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=Luke+9&version=9">9:10-17 He emphasized that God will put before you tasks and ministries too big to do on your own. When that happens we should not be overwhelmed, afraid, and feel like failures but cast ourselves on His might and trust Him to do His work through us. God is not surprised or strained at any situation that arises. He already knows what He is going to do and is already bringing it to past. I think this has particular application to me in my job hunt.

I went and saw New Moon last week. I actually liked it a lot better than the book. Jacob is much more heart wrenching in the movie than he was in the book. And the soundtrack is going on my wish list.

Flickr is just way too much fun!

Dad called today. He sounded tired which is scary when it's the beginning of his day. I miss him so much but I at least have plenty of sleep and the rest of my family. He's tired and by himself. :(

Here's hoping

that I won't have to point back at this blog post someday and say "I told you so!"

I can see the political reaction to the Ft. Hood shootings and Nidal Malik Hasan going two different ways. 1, the government will crack down on teachers of Muslim extremism. They will follow money trails from "peaceful" organizations like CAIR and harshly punish any money that gets spent for violence. Tax-free statuses should be revoked. Clerics will be more closely monitored.

2, civilians and soldiers' access to firearms will be restricted. Veterans will come under suspicion of possibly going postal. Studies and research will be done on whether or not military service makes you more likely to be violent. People will try to draw the link between Ft. Hood and the Beltway Sniper Shootings as a military connection instead of the obvious Muslim connection.

Obviously, I hope option #1 happens. Considering our current political environment, I'm very afraid that #2 is what will happen. But, as the title says, I'm hoping that I won't be proven right.

The weather here has been absolutely beautiful!! I just got back from a brisk 30 minute walk and my chest feels the better for it.

Vernise passed away Sunday, late. Her funeral was Wednesday in Fayetteville. Samuel and I house sat for the Kelleys while they went. I got a lot of reading and journaling done. It feels good to have some of my thoughts sorted out.

Hebrew classes are picking up speed. The rest of the class is beginning to understand phonics. I can tell that, for a lot of them, this is the first foreign language they've tried. They're still asking why questions, as if language has any kind of rhyme or reason to it. I told them they had to have faith like a child to accept things just as they are. :)

We continue to be amazed by how many people are praying for Dad so constantly. Thank you everyone! I know they're a help!

Meditation #17

From John Donne's Meditation #17:

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the lss, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of they friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore, never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

News from Afar

News from Afar
Originally uploaded by Purple Palindrome

From my Flickr...

Dad called this evening.

This pictures shows where we talk to Dad when he calls. The Army told us to always switch to a non-remote land line to talk to him to cut down on the chance of taps. This phone in his and Mama's room is the only non-remote land line phone we have.

The telecommunications where he is are really pathetic. The internet is irregular and slow. The phones break up, have time limits, and randomly cut us off. But he's really faithful to call and email regularly, which is a really good thing for this little gal. I need his support and wisdom so much. Today we talked about my job hunting and some alternatives to what I'm doing now.

Dad is such an amazing person and I'm so grateful to have him. Sadly, he's not a photographer or a blogger and he has expressed no interest in even just reading a photo stream. So, I doubt any of y'all will get to meet him or get to know him and you're the poorer for it. My sympathies.

Fringe

Fringe
Originally uploaded by Purple Palindrome

I think phrases such as "kinda out there on the fringe", "the fringes of society", etc. are such a great word picture. Certain behaviors are ok with a culture, but just barely. They still make people uncomfortable, but they're not outlawed. People who engage in fringe behavior are allowed to, but they're generally distrusted. They're on the edge, just barely part of the rug, but still dangerously close to the bare floor--they're the fringe.
My fringe behaviors include, on occasion, homeschooling, drinking raw milk, not shaving, and when I'm in Taiwan eating raw vegetables and swimming in the ocean.
So, what do you do that's on the fringe?

Nocturne in C Sharp Minor

I'm listening to Joshua Bell's Romance of the Violin. I believe it was a Christmas gift a couple of years back. I particularly like Nocturne, Track #3.

Vernise, he Teague's grandma, Mrs. Kelley's mother, had a stroke Friday. She's having a really rough recovery. Some of her symptoms include restlessness and disorientation which translates into her not sleeping, trying to get out of bed on her own and thus falling. This is dealt with by always having someone sit with her. We, as in the Bavidos, have gotten to help out with this a couple of times and are on call. The poor Kelleys really need their rest so I really hope they don't hesitate to call us. Another problem is getting enough liquids and nourishment down her because she's been having trouble swallowing. Please be praying for Vernise and her family.

The job hunt continues. I had a job interview earlier this week for a legal secretary that I've already been turned down for. I have an interview next week for a volunteer coordinator position. I emailed a reminder or followed up today with a career services position for a tech school. I need to send off a resume tomorrow for a case manager position. Praise God, I'm doing much better on the motivation and not-getting-discouraged/depressed in relation to job hunting.

I've discovered that when left to set my own schedule that I sleep from 1 a.m. to 10 a.m. and am most reflective and thoughtful between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. I'm not really sure when I'm the most productive--perhaps the early afternoon?

I continue to be shocked and horrified by my own selfishness. Mrs. Teague had asked me to get her copies of the Bavido originals that had been read at our poetry festival. I completely forgot that BonnieJean, Isaac, and Dad had read their own compositions and just printed off the ones by me that had been read. How terrible am I?!

Let's guess

My last blog post said I had 2 big things to blog about. Since then I have caught the influenza and have been busy coughing my lungs up. A side effect of coughing up my lungs is complete loss of brain power. I can't remember what else I was supposed to tell y'all about.

Dad called yesterday and today and emailed me! I feel loved!

I find myself expressing loneliness over missing Dad in odd ways. I seem to be seem to have a much higher emotional idling speed, if that makes any sense. It's like my emotional cup is already full with missing Dad, so practically anything will make me spill over---as in tears or anger. I think this is why not having a full time job is bothering me so much. There's just not enough faith and patience to encompass it all around. I think this calls for what's called "growth". I just need more faith and patience.

Ken Ham was at FBC of BA this weekend. I made it to 2 different talks. I'm pretty familiar with his materials (but's it's always good to hear again!), so the only new thing I heard about was a research study he and a behavioral science research group did on the people in their tweens who went to conservative churches through high school and then stopped going in their 20s. I went out on a limb and bought the book summarizing the study without asking Mama with her money. She's ok with it now though.

I got a henna tattoo at the State Fair Saturday when I went with Naomi and Caleb. It's a star of David with a cross in the middle on the inside of my arm just below the elbow. I wanted it up on my forearm, but it was so cold that the lady wouldn't let me take my jacket off, so I had to pick a spot reached by rolling up my sleeves.

I started Hebrew classes Monday night at the Tulsa Jewish Community Center. I was disappointed to find out that the beginner class works only reading and writing Hebrew, no speaking. But, I liked the teacher and the attitude of all the other students. I caught onto this first lesson really fast, but I think that's because I'm already familiar with a vowel-point system from Arabic lessons with Amani.

I need to get somethings printed and ready to mail in the morning, so I'd better wrap this up. I still had 2 other big things to write about, so I shall just have to continue this later.

Mama's Hair

Mama's Hair
Originally uploaded by Purple Palindrome

I took this with BonnieJean's Iphone.

Mama has what we call "the Pryor girls' hair". Pryor is her mother's maiden name. All of the women descendants have thick, glossy, healthy hair that either waves or curls. I don't know if you can tell from such a close up shot, but Mama's hair waves at the ends.

Mama's hair has been going gray for a couple of years now. I say gray--it's more silver. I think it's even prettier now with so much silver than it has been in the past. I'm so glad she's not one of those ladies who dyes their hair.

Something you cannot tell from the picture is that Mama's hair is also very soft. She prefers to fix her hair and then spray it with hairspray, but Dad doesn't like the texture of it when it has hairspray in it. He plays with her hair a lot. So, she goes without styling most of the time.

Speechless

Speechless
Originally uploaded by Bubbletea2

Because I can't formulate my feelings right now.

You Are My Superstar!

I'm listening to S.H.E. right now. So much fun!

I have a list of 12 different companies to start researching to approach about hiring me. I've decided that in addition to applying for posted open positions, I'm also going to preemptively strike companies about hiring me. The idea of bringing up the idea of hiring myself is rather daunting, but I think it's worth a try.

Dad called last night. It's always so good to hear his voice! He's gotten over the cold, although he said the dust is a constant respiratory irritant.

Random observation: why do people assume that if you don't speak English well you must be here illegally? I have had so many people make this assumption here in Oklahoma. I think it shows how provincial Americans, and Oklahomans in particular, are. Do they think that the possession of a green card automatically magically gifts the bearer with perfect English? I think they all need to spend some time in a foreign country where they don't speak the language and have to just learn as they go.

Speaking of languages, I'm going to start Hebrew classes in Tulsa. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. I was excited to learn that it's only going to be about $100 for 9 classes. It's on Mondays, which is a bummer, but I think the class will finish in time for me to make the upper belt work out after class.

Quote from Laura's FB

"The truth is, as much as we complain about it, we are drawn to hurry. It makes us feel important. It keeps the adrenaline pumping. It means we don't have to look too closely at the heart or life. ...We want to microwave maturity." - John Ortber

Farewell summer!

Fall is arriving here in Oklahoma. It's been in the 80s and very wet. Today was down right cool. I'm sad. I don't dislike fall, but it always comes before winter and I hate winter. Winter is cold, ugly, bare, and dead. I have a hard enough time staying warm in the spring and fall---winter is misery. I'm going to enjoy fall just as much as I can, even if the impending winter is coming. But I hope it takes its time.