This morning taking a shower, I felt Satan just hit me with a load of discouragement. I twisted my ankle yesterday running, so I was feeling bad about not running today, but my ankle still hurt from just walking. And I miss BonnieJean. Found out Friday that Autumn and Summer's teacher are having problems with Summer having a real bad attitude, so she's going into an after-school program, and I lost my job. I don't have my lines memorized for tomorrow, and Mrs. Cagle changed my opening scene that I had really liked to a mediocre opening scene (I'm hoping it will grow on me.) I didn't get my Socrates reading done. Joshua and Isaac both threw up yesterday, and the rest of the boys have not been feeling well. We got snowed out of karate and chess this week. And that's the abbreviated list.

Then I went to class and I had a great time! Then I read an encouraging post from Elizabeth on the RI and got a good group email from Molly Jo. Both are below. Kittie's first, then Molly's.

You know, there are days when it seems like every minute crawling by lasts for an hour, and every hour lasts a lifetime. They are those days when you know, deep down inside, that you have no reason to be unhappy because God is good and more than capable of handling even the toughtest of problems, and yet still you feel as if a huge weight is pressing down upon you, ready to squash you if it only could. No amount of sleep can keep your eyes from feeling heavy on those days, and no amount of thinking joyfully upon all the wonderful things can lift your heart from the valley it seems to be resting in. The kind of valley where you practically feel the vice-like grip around your chest, making it hard to breath and feeling like your heart will beat sideways if it can't expand outward like it normally does. Thinking becomes muddled and your mind starts to wander here and there without any regard to the things you're trying to make it focus on.

And you cry out to God, shouting "Lord, save me! I feel like I'm drowning and I don't even know why!"

But the silence seems to be your only answer. Even though you know that He's there, and that He'll never let you go and never let you be trapped forever, it feels as if a great gap or wall separates you. And it makes the heaviness all the more heavy, and simply taking a step in any direction is a battle...

But God is still Sovereign Lord. Jesus is still light in those darkened valleys. The sins of the world were still nailed to a cross and paid for in blood years and years ago for us, that we might live forevermore in God's kingdom. And even at the seemingly lowest moments there is always something to learn and to gain. All things work for the good of those who love God and have been called according to His purpose.

Keep walking, brothers and sisters in Christ. Keep looking up in His face. Keep making melody in your hearts to the Lord and praying without ceasing. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep letting Him hold your hand and walk you through doubt, fear, and anxiety. Because you know, those feelings with always be there. It isn't about not being afraid or doubtful...it's about letting Him lead you through it in spite of that.

Smile...God loves you, and that will never change. :~D

Mollie Jo said...

"But we never can prove the delights of His love until all on the altar
is laid. For the favor He shows, and the joy He bestows are for them who
will trust and obey."

I remember one day last year when I received my first rose from my
Beloved. I was with some girl friends, and they decided to go to
Wal-Mart to do an errand; I was tired and stayed back for a nap. When
they came home, one of them handed me a single rose. It was a rich wine
color, beautiful and delicate. Where had she obtained it? I wondered.
She said Wal-Mart was passing out roses, and she thought I would want
one. Right away, I just knew it was a rose sent from my Lord Jesus. It
was such a precious gift, and I regarded Wal-Mart and my friend as only
deliverers---the Giver was from above. (I still have the rose, of
course.)

Have you ever received a little love gift from the Lord that you knew
wasn't really little? Recently, I have been feeling an outpour of
loving gifts from my Father. They come in such unsuspecting ways...a
gift...a note from a friend that just met my need....blessings all
around. Interestingly enough, the Lord has chosen to send these
reminders of His love during times of great need, personally. It is
amazing to me that God uses people who really have no idea what the need
of the hour is to bless me in some way. And when that blessing comes
(like a note in the mail), I immediately recognize the scent of heaven.
I just know it wasn't from that person, it was from the Lord, my Lover
and Father and Friend.

But we don't always have the visible, recognizable evidences of His love.
So, we depend upon the Word, God's love letter to us. We walk by faith,
not by sight. We must get to the place where we believe and claim every
one of His promises. We have not, because we ask not. We ask not,
because we believe not. We believe not, because we do not let the Word
dwell richly in us. It has not been an easy things to reach out and claim
the promises by faith. I had to make the choice. The choice to believe,
the choice to depend upon, the choice to delight in, His promises. (I
even started collecting a list of His promises of love found in Scripture
that were especially meaningful, and sometimes I pray them back to the
Lord. This increases my faith, and deepens their meaning in my life.)

Charles Gallaudet Trumbull said the following:

"God knows exactly when to withhold or to grant us any visible sign of
encouragement. How wonderful it is when we will trust Him in either
case! Yet it is better when all visible evidence that He is remembering
us is withheld. He wants us to realize that His Word ---His promise of
remembering us---is more real and dependable than any evidence our senses
may reveal. It is good when He sends the visible evidence, but we
appreciate it even more after we have trusted Him without it. And those
who are the most inclined to trust God without any evidence except His
Word always receive the greatest amount of visible evidence of His love."

This statement really gives insight into the Christian life and how we
"keep ourselves in the love of God." We keep ourselves in the Word, and
His love will be revealed. That kind of relationship will withstand the
test of time, and the test of removed visible signs of love. His Word is
forever settled in heaven, and it is to be trusted, depended on, and
honored.

May His Word be the Joy and Rejoicing of your heart,

Mollie Jo